Relationship thrives on trust; otherwise such relationship is doomed right from the start? As I was ruminating over the issue of trust in relationship and its attending effects, I could not help wondering the level of trust that should be allowed in any relationship. When considering the fact that there are many pretexts in most relationships today with effects such as heartbroken, hurts and the extreme cases like suicide and murder, one might be tempted to conclude that trust should not be allowed in a relationship. But wouldn’t that rather be a hash and hasty judgment? And if we say that relationships should enjoy certain level of trust; then we have the problem of how to accurately measure the level of trust that must be allowed. To be able to do this, we should be able to answer the following questions in the affirmative and with conviction: Can you say exactly what you spouse or partner is or would be doing when you are not together for a day, a week, a month and probably a year? What kind of people would he/she be hanging out with at such period? When answering these questions, you must consider the unpredictability of human behaviour that is embedded in all of us. That tendency to always satisfy “self” is rooted in us and at every slightest opportunity we have the urge to manifest it especially when prodded.
When a man says to a woman, or vice-versa, that “I love you with all my heart”, how often does he/she meant exactly what he/she said? That statement could mean “I want you all for myself and won’t share you with anyone else”. Don’t be surprised that he/she might still say the same thing to another woman/man a few meters away from you or pass a body language to such person when you are not watching or away from hearing distance! If you happen to find out, especially where you have placed absolute trust in your spouse or partner, how would you react? Fight, suicide or even murder? None of these is impossible. Now compare this to where you have always given room for unpredictability in the other person’s behaviour. Of course, you will still be hurt or heartbroken but the impact would definitely be less severe.
Personal experience:
I had a very promising relationship a few years back and trusted the woman in my life then. As at that time the relationship has reached the point that we were even considering marriage. At a point in time she had to leave for another town in search of greener pasture and greater opportunities and usually come home during festivities or once in a while as time permitted her. All that while, I had no doubt of her love for me and I trusted her with all my heart to the point that I boasted of her fidelity whenever any issue related to that arose between me and my friends. And for this, my friends liked her a lot and wish they could have a woman like her.
Then during one Christmas time, she came home and requested that I accompany her to her friend’s house which I obliged. After some time, I left her there and returned home because she was deeply engrossed in tête-à-tête with her friend and my presence was obviously not needed any longer. That was okay by me because it has been long she saw that her friend last.
On getting home, it was a little bit boring and out of nothing to do, I accidentally picked up her hand bag that she had left on the bed. It was accidental, because it was not my practice to peep into her handbags or any other woman’s bag. And she had unintentionally left the bag there, as she confessed later.
I wasn’t really looking for any particular thing in the bag but alas! My heart skipped several beats and I was panting and had to ease myself twice when I brought out two letters that clearly indicted her of infidelity that she couldn’t later on denied! Right there and then I knew that men are far more jealousy than women. Let’s face it, some men could kill in such situation and some had actually killed. There were goose pimples all over my body and I was boiling inside while waiting for her to return from her friend’s place.
Meanwhile, when she suddenly remembered the implicating letters in her bag where she was, and consequently raced down to my place and immediately she saw my face she knew the cat had been let out the basket. And trust women with their antics! She instantly went on her knees and started begging me while she gave feeble excuses that she too knew did not hold water with me.
I had to forgive her then because of certain things I considered but I couldn’t brought myself to forget the incident and every time I remembered, especially whenever she was away, I became hurt as if the incident just happened. No doubt that incident had eroded a chunk of my love and trust for her.
Consequently, after series of other events, which is beyond the scope of this article, (not infidelity this time around, at least none to knowledge) we finally separated after six years of being together! Painful? Yes it was, but it was a lot better than sticking together under a non-symbiotic condition for the rest of our lives.
My relationship with her really opened my eyes to what level of trust should be allowed in any relationship I am into and how such relationship should be handled. Giving room for unpredictability in human behaviour has been my practice ever since. This has been a viable tool I call to use in my personal and business life.
Sincerely, I am of the opinion that if people could adopt such tool, of course the degree of adoption would vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship, then there would be less cases of murder, suicide and psychosis which are fallouts of sore relationships due to breach of trust.
No Saint!
The truth is we are all guilty of this at one point in our life or the other. There are instance that I breached someone’s trust myself, usually in my subsequent relationships. No I weren’t taken revenge on anybody and it was not a kind of pay back. It just h-a-p-p-e-n-e-d!
…your comments are welcomed
When a man says to a woman, or vice-versa, that “I love you with all my heart”, how often does he/she meant exactly what he/she said? That statement could mean “I want you all for myself and won’t share you with anyone else”. Don’t be surprised that he/she might still say the same thing to another woman/man a few meters away from you or pass a body language to such person when you are not watching or away from hearing distance! If you happen to find out, especially where you have placed absolute trust in your spouse or partner, how would you react? Fight, suicide or even murder? None of these is impossible. Now compare this to where you have always given room for unpredictability in the other person’s behaviour. Of course, you will still be hurt or heartbroken but the impact would definitely be less severe.
Personal experience:
I had a very promising relationship a few years back and trusted the woman in my life then. As at that time the relationship has reached the point that we were even considering marriage. At a point in time she had to leave for another town in search of greener pasture and greater opportunities and usually come home during festivities or once in a while as time permitted her. All that while, I had no doubt of her love for me and I trusted her with all my heart to the point that I boasted of her fidelity whenever any issue related to that arose between me and my friends. And for this, my friends liked her a lot and wish they could have a woman like her.
Then during one Christmas time, she came home and requested that I accompany her to her friend’s house which I obliged. After some time, I left her there and returned home because she was deeply engrossed in tête-à-tête with her friend and my presence was obviously not needed any longer. That was okay by me because it has been long she saw that her friend last.
On getting home, it was a little bit boring and out of nothing to do, I accidentally picked up her hand bag that she had left on the bed. It was accidental, because it was not my practice to peep into her handbags or any other woman’s bag. And she had unintentionally left the bag there, as she confessed later.
I wasn’t really looking for any particular thing in the bag but alas! My heart skipped several beats and I was panting and had to ease myself twice when I brought out two letters that clearly indicted her of infidelity that she couldn’t later on denied! Right there and then I knew that men are far more jealousy than women. Let’s face it, some men could kill in such situation and some had actually killed. There were goose pimples all over my body and I was boiling inside while waiting for her to return from her friend’s place.
Meanwhile, when she suddenly remembered the implicating letters in her bag where she was, and consequently raced down to my place and immediately she saw my face she knew the cat had been let out the basket. And trust women with their antics! She instantly went on her knees and started begging me while she gave feeble excuses that she too knew did not hold water with me.
I had to forgive her then because of certain things I considered but I couldn’t brought myself to forget the incident and every time I remembered, especially whenever she was away, I became hurt as if the incident just happened. No doubt that incident had eroded a chunk of my love and trust for her.
Consequently, after series of other events, which is beyond the scope of this article, (not infidelity this time around, at least none to knowledge) we finally separated after six years of being together! Painful? Yes it was, but it was a lot better than sticking together under a non-symbiotic condition for the rest of our lives.
My relationship with her really opened my eyes to what level of trust should be allowed in any relationship I am into and how such relationship should be handled. Giving room for unpredictability in human behaviour has been my practice ever since. This has been a viable tool I call to use in my personal and business life.
Sincerely, I am of the opinion that if people could adopt such tool, of course the degree of adoption would vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship, then there would be less cases of murder, suicide and psychosis which are fallouts of sore relationships due to breach of trust.
No Saint!
The truth is we are all guilty of this at one point in our life or the other. There are instance that I breached someone’s trust myself, usually in my subsequent relationships. No I weren’t taken revenge on anybody and it was not a kind of pay back. It just h-a-p-p-e-n-e-d!
…your comments are welcomed
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