At age three years plus, my daughter already has the knowledge of coming to me to demand for those things she knew her mother might not approve of. This amazes me because I couldn’t remember having such knowledge at her age. She often demands for things like cookies, sweets, chocolates and such like, more often than not I granted her wishes which sometimes annoys her mother. She believes I am very permissive and that by that I am not helping her. Of course, I don’t quite agree with her.
Personally I believe that every child passes through this stage and that she will outgrow these demands as she grows older.
Now, I wouldn’t have spared the rod if she had been older and begins to exhibit strange behaviors such as disrespectful, stealing, and disregardful of parental instructions as well as un-seriousness when it comes to her studies and so on.
How much of freedom should be given to a child? When should the child be spared and not the rod? Does our society support permissive parenting? How can we strike a balance between genuinely admonishing a child that is borne out of true parental love and what could be regarded as purely child abuse?
I strongly believe that a child should not be spared the moments he knows what is right from what is wrong. Of course, you must have run him through the do’s and don’ts as well as punishment attached whenever he violates the laid down rules.
I think it is not right to punish a child for behaviors that he has no pre-knowledge of as to whether it is bad or good. It is the duty of every parent to ensure that the child is aware of what is right in the society and what is not.
In Africa, no law forbids you from applying the rod on your child if he misbehaves and you won’t be charged to court or denied the custodian of such child.
However, there are rare cases where parents or guardians inflict excessive injuries on a child probably for stealing. This is an example of child abuse, which I belief every reasonable society would disapprove of.
Any society that over protects the child through legislation is not really helping itself and the child in the long run. It is disdainful for a child to call in the police to arrest any of his parents simply because he was admonished for bad behavior.
In Africa, most of us grew up under strict parenting and we are the better for it today, I wonder how many of our parents would have be thrown to jail if we could call in the police then whenever they beat us.
In essence, love for the child should not be substituted for permissiveness of questionable behaviors. These days, any child could get away with certain behaviors that their parents couldn’t have during their own days.
Back then, there were disciplines and the parents were very strict. No wonder, we have more dissidents in our societies now than during the time of our forefathers.
A well brought up child would grow to becoming a loving, caring and respectful man or woman that would make meaningful contributions to his home, community and country.
Why do we have more broken marriages today than in the past? It is because, that child that was not properly trained, who got away with all kinds of misbehaviors when young, had grown to become a violent man, an uncaring and unfaithful woman!
To have a better society, we must desist from sparing the rod and spoil the child; it is okay to love your child but don’t be permissive of his destructive behaviors.
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