“I love you with all my heart; I can hardly sleep without your thought on my mind”
“You have poisoned my heart with your love that I only exist for you”
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The above statements are not uncommon when two people are starting out in a relationship or when they just got marriage. Such time is usually the best ever in the lives of many people, when passion, love and care for each other were at their peak.
Then all of a sudden the passion/love/care began to wane and there begin the era of accusations and counter accusations. They no longer enjoy the company of each other and you begin to wonder where have all the sweet nothing words they used to whisper to each other in the dead of the nights gone to! The worst hit is those that were married for a few years and probably had one or two kids. They are so selfish that they never give consideration to what would be the fate of the kids or what adverse effects their actions could have on the future of their children when they are considering divorce.
The question is that do people in this situation ever consider impart of their desperate and inconsiderate actions on all concerned as well as those that are remotely connected to them.
The emotional distress is not only felt by the separating partners but also by those who have enjoyed seeing them together. Such people include their parents, relations, friends and most importantly their children.
The effect of this can really be appreciated when you compare children raised by single parents that are actually separated not by reason of death, to those kids that grow up under the auspices of two loving parents. It reflects on how they behave in the society or relate with others. In other words, separation among couples has contributed its own quota to the number of dissidents that we have in our society today. Hence, one can rightly say that the society too suffer the effects of any act of separation or divorce that is been committed. In fact the loss is unquantifiable.
Often time, separation or divorce withdraw the supports that the couple have for each other and this kind of mount pressure on them individually especially where the man can hardly afford to cater for the rest of the family that is now living apart. Mind you, such support is not limited to financial; it could be spiritual, physical or even emotional.
Funnily enough, the so called divorce or separation often time could be prevented if the parties actually wanted to. However, they choose to remain blinded to the handwritings that are clearly written on the wall.
When the parties communicate less and often allow conflicts to go unsettled or allowed too much interference in their affairs by so called caring friends/relations from either family, then they are courting separation. At other times, one party could begin to show no regard for the other’s feeling or appreciate his/her opinion any longer and the partner at the receiving end just decided to tolerate and bite his/her tongue in silence and failed to communicate his/her hurt to the other person, hoping he/she would change one day. Then when things get worse, he/she force out all the bottled angers over the years and the inevitable occurs leaving pains and gnashing of teeth in its wake!
What are you passing through in your marriage right now that makes you contemplating divorce? Have you ever considered the effect it would have on your children? There is no part of our human life that has no challenges, our marriages inclusive. Your response matters a lot. Have you explored all the options of settling your differences amicably? How do you communicate to your partner? Do you realized that it would take you more energy, pain, emotion etc to get separated than to resolve the issue? Where has been your first love for your partner, thrown to the winds? You can retrieve it. And you better do.
Go back in your mind to the beginning of your relationship and relive all the sweet moments up to the present and in the process you will discover where began the crack and you can begin to find the solution. There is no problem under the sun that cannot be resolved, it might however, take time, patience, perseverance and dedication with open mind.
Now what happened when you have tried all the available options under the sun to resolve the issue with your partner and all have invariable failed? Then separation might be inevitable especially where it involves threaten of lives. Even then, where children are involved, the matter should be handled with high level of maturity and adequate plan should be made to take care of the children. And if you are a woman and your husband has other wives, then you might be facing a tougher challenges which you might include taking sole responsibility for your child/ren.
A True Life Experience
Recently, a close relation of mine experienced a similar fate. She was the first wife and the husband, who is just about 34 years, married other six (6) wives, after her, in quick succession. There began series of neglect, deprivation-both financial and emotional-and it got to a point that he ordered her out of his home with two kids! All attempt to resolve the issue failed and she had to move out.
Now the point I wanted to bring out of this incident is that often time we are so blinded by our so called love for the other person that we neglect or overlook certain signs and tell-tales that could warn us of dangers ahead and made us to back out on time before we get hurt. We so much belief the other person would change. This relation knew her husband is very randy and had series of girl friends during their dating days. Even when another relation called her attention to this, she went ahead and told her man. She, probably in her ignorance of how rigid a man could be when it comes to flirtation, went ahead and got committed to the relationship that resulted in their marriage.
How I wish she heeded the advice then. She now regrets too.
“You have poisoned my heart with your love that I only exist for you”
-------------------------------------------
The above statements are not uncommon when two people are starting out in a relationship or when they just got marriage. Such time is usually the best ever in the lives of many people, when passion, love and care for each other were at their peak.
Then all of a sudden the passion/love/care began to wane and there begin the era of accusations and counter accusations. They no longer enjoy the company of each other and you begin to wonder where have all the sweet nothing words they used to whisper to each other in the dead of the nights gone to! The worst hit is those that were married for a few years and probably had one or two kids. They are so selfish that they never give consideration to what would be the fate of the kids or what adverse effects their actions could have on the future of their children when they are considering divorce.
The question is that do people in this situation ever consider impart of their desperate and inconsiderate actions on all concerned as well as those that are remotely connected to them.
The emotional distress is not only felt by the separating partners but also by those who have enjoyed seeing them together. Such people include their parents, relations, friends and most importantly their children.
The effect of this can really be appreciated when you compare children raised by single parents that are actually separated not by reason of death, to those kids that grow up under the auspices of two loving parents. It reflects on how they behave in the society or relate with others. In other words, separation among couples has contributed its own quota to the number of dissidents that we have in our society today. Hence, one can rightly say that the society too suffer the effects of any act of separation or divorce that is been committed. In fact the loss is unquantifiable.
Often time, separation or divorce withdraw the supports that the couple have for each other and this kind of mount pressure on them individually especially where the man can hardly afford to cater for the rest of the family that is now living apart. Mind you, such support is not limited to financial; it could be spiritual, physical or even emotional.
Funnily enough, the so called divorce or separation often time could be prevented if the parties actually wanted to. However, they choose to remain blinded to the handwritings that are clearly written on the wall.
When the parties communicate less and often allow conflicts to go unsettled or allowed too much interference in their affairs by so called caring friends/relations from either family, then they are courting separation. At other times, one party could begin to show no regard for the other’s feeling or appreciate his/her opinion any longer and the partner at the receiving end just decided to tolerate and bite his/her tongue in silence and failed to communicate his/her hurt to the other person, hoping he/she would change one day. Then when things get worse, he/she force out all the bottled angers over the years and the inevitable occurs leaving pains and gnashing of teeth in its wake!
What are you passing through in your marriage right now that makes you contemplating divorce? Have you ever considered the effect it would have on your children? There is no part of our human life that has no challenges, our marriages inclusive. Your response matters a lot. Have you explored all the options of settling your differences amicably? How do you communicate to your partner? Do you realized that it would take you more energy, pain, emotion etc to get separated than to resolve the issue? Where has been your first love for your partner, thrown to the winds? You can retrieve it. And you better do.
Go back in your mind to the beginning of your relationship and relive all the sweet moments up to the present and in the process you will discover where began the crack and you can begin to find the solution. There is no problem under the sun that cannot be resolved, it might however, take time, patience, perseverance and dedication with open mind.
Now what happened when you have tried all the available options under the sun to resolve the issue with your partner and all have invariable failed? Then separation might be inevitable especially where it involves threaten of lives. Even then, where children are involved, the matter should be handled with high level of maturity and adequate plan should be made to take care of the children. And if you are a woman and your husband has other wives, then you might be facing a tougher challenges which you might include taking sole responsibility for your child/ren.
A True Life Experience
Recently, a close relation of mine experienced a similar fate. She was the first wife and the husband, who is just about 34 years, married other six (6) wives, after her, in quick succession. There began series of neglect, deprivation-both financial and emotional-and it got to a point that he ordered her out of his home with two kids! All attempt to resolve the issue failed and she had to move out.
Now the point I wanted to bring out of this incident is that often time we are so blinded by our so called love for the other person that we neglect or overlook certain signs and tell-tales that could warn us of dangers ahead and made us to back out on time before we get hurt. We so much belief the other person would change. This relation knew her husband is very randy and had series of girl friends during their dating days. Even when another relation called her attention to this, she went ahead and told her man. She, probably in her ignorance of how rigid a man could be when it comes to flirtation, went ahead and got committed to the relationship that resulted in their marriage.
How I wish she heeded the advice then. She now regrets too.
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